Story Of How I Live With OCD. 30/02/12

Since primary school i have been growing up with a mental health problem which was only diagnosed in May 2011 as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Over the years it has got worse and to the point it was starting to take over my life. I started washing my hands all the time when i was in year 4-5 but I thought it was normal so i just kept it to myself. The hand washing was starting to get excessive and I was starting to do different riterals from; Hand washing, making things symmetrical, getting unwanted thoughts of cancer, illnesses, death, touching things a certain number of times and other things. When i get these thoughts of cancer or illnesses i would do my compulsions (Things I have to do) which would make these thoughts go away. Some of these compulsions would vary between praying in my head, washing hands, covering my mouth, cleaning, making things symmetrical or tapping things a certain number of times till it feels right. I would fear that if i did not do these things, all my thoughts would come true.

When i experience these thoughts my anxiety rises up to a level where it is unbearable to cope with which then makes me carry out these compulsions, but it would only last for so long until the thoughts come back again. The most stressful compulsion that I carry out is my praying. When people talk about praying they assume you are praying to god but the praying I do is like I am begging my mind to not let these thoughts come true and this praying can last up to 10 minutes in one go. For example, I get a thought of me getting cancer so I pray to myself saying 'Please don't let me get cancer, please don't let me get it' and I would do that over and over again until i feel better. I can pray up to at least 30 times a day.

I grew up with OCD with no help throughout school as I was scared that people would think I was mental, I thought I was the only person in the world who dose all of these things. Near the end of year 11 I finally came out and told a teacher about the things I do and the teacher took me to see another teacher who told me about CAMS. however the teacher who told me about CAMS was saying I could have schizophrenia and that I could be putting students and the school in danger. I felt like I was being discriminated because I knew I was not a danger to anyone and I knew I did not have schizophrenia so I was pulling myself back from people and keeping my OCD to myself. however I finally got an appointment at CAMS and was soon told that I suffer from OCD. I was then put on medication but the medication was not working so I make the chose to come off. I soon started my CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which is helping me controlling what I do and soon to minimise my OCD. CBT helps me believe that my thoughts are not true and that everyone gets unwanted thoughts. Also it has made me stronger and more determined to beat my OCD.

Having OCD in my life is really hard, its like having a bully in your head that is so strong I believe everything my OCD tells me but I have learned to live with OCD and I am getting my life back to how it was. I want people to understand that people who have OCD are not different from other people our minds just work in different ways and I want people who suffer form OCD but are too scared to come out that it is okay, there is help and you can get treated. Get it sorted before it takes over your life. You don't have to be on your own.

This image shows what a normal person brian looks like compared to an OCD person.

This video explains what OCD is